That Rock'n'Roll Breakfast Menu In Full

WOMAD asked for Andy’s Rock’n'Roll Breakfast menu, in all its glory.

The jury is in.
Sorry, make that,
The jury is out.
OK, I’ve got it.
The jury is in, but has gone out to lunch to get something decent to eat.

You see, the jury is a motley collection of celeb chefs who have just run their collective and experienced eyes over the Rock’n'Roll Breakfast Menu.

They have pronounced it one of the culinary wonders of the modern age.

They have warned against the recipe for such a tasty repast being made publicly available for the first time.

Andy himself has described his menu as answering an age-old call for the travelling musician. The challenge of making the best breakfast possible from the bizarre selection of food which can be found in the kitchen of whoever he or she is staying with on tour.

Because, dear reader, a touring life of five star hotels and waitress service is merely a mythical existence for most musicians. Most musicians are not in U2, and even if they were, Bono himself would be proud of coming up with as varied a menu as this, the morning after crashing out on the sofa at Edge’s pad.
I mean tower.

Or, rather, castle.

Since Andy is Irish but lives in Australia, he has tried to fuse two hemispheres of culinary experience in an explosive

(Editor’s note – the end of this sentence seems to have gone missing. Could this be the culinary equivalent of the missing lines of ‘Kubla Khan’? At the very least, this tragic omission could serve as a timely warning that overindulgence in this recipe can lead to memory loss, mental instability and severe difficulty in walking a straight line when asked to do so by members of the local constabulary)

Starter:

Coco Pops & Kahlua


Ingredients
1 box of Coco Pops
1 bottle of Kahlua
1 large bowl
Small bowls, as required

Method
It’s all plain sailing after you have located both ingredients for this perky little ’start me up’. The most difficult thing will be to find anyone who has a bottle of the exotically-named vaguely coffee-flavoured liqueur. Try the dimmest, darkest, local nightclub, or failing that, the back of the drinks cabinet at a teetotal friend’s house. He or she will have stashed and forgotten it long ago.
Pour Coco Pops into large bowl.
Stand back to admire rarely-witnessed sight of so many Coco Pops in one large bowl at one time.
Pour in bottle of Kahlua.
Mix.
Eat out of large bowl or, if in company, serve into small bowls.

Main Course:

Cereale di Melbourne, alla surpresa di Dublino
(aka Toasted Granola with Black Pepper Strawberries Flambéed in Irish Whiskey)

Ingredients
Serves two people
1 small mug of large oat flakes
1 large mug of small oat flakes
1 medium-sized mug of medium-sized oat flakes
1 cup (not too small) of oat bran
1 slightly smaller cup of wheatgerm
1 large spoon for honey
1 small spoon for sugar
1 large pot of organic australian honey made by worker bees with funny accents
1 small bag of non-organic irish sugar made by Messrs Tate & Lyle
1 large bottle of Irish Whiskey
1 saucepan full of beautifully tasty English strawberries cut up carefully
1 litre of yummy soya milk not the dodgy yellow looking longlife stuff
1 squeezed lemon
1 mango sliced x 2
1 peach x 2
1 kiwi fruit x 4
1 raisin (just testing if you’ve read this far I know you don’t like raisins)
1 large saucepan1 milk frother – looks like a french press but with more holes in it
1 lump of butter
1 pepperpot containing black pepper

Method
Put said lump of butter in very big saucepan on a low heat until it melts.
Start adding all the oat flakes of varying sizes, bran and wheatgerm.
Don’t stop stirring as you add them. Ever.
Pour in lots of the the honey – maybe about quarter of the pot, and some spoons of sugar.
Don’t stop stirring.
Stir some more, without stopping.
Warm up the soya milk. Gently does it.
Don’t stop stirring. I thought I saw you stop.
Have a taste of the toasted granola.
Nice, isn’t it?
Froth the warm milk in the frother.
Take the toasted granola off the heat.
Put sugar into another saucepan.
When the sugar melts, add lemon juice.
Start again if you’ve messed this bit up and the sugar all stuck together in a sticky blob.
Keep stirring. Don’t stop.
Add half the saucepan of strawberries.
Pour in liberal amount of Irish whiskey.
Light with match.
Repair clothing and hair.
Fall about with nervous laughter.
Add cracked black pepper.
Take off heat.
Put frothy milk in bowls containing cut up mangoes, kiwi, peach.
Add toasted granola.
Top off with the black pepper, strawberry and whiskey sauce.
Dig in.

Side Order:

‘The Ashes Challenge’
Ingredients
2 loaves of bread
1 large jar of Marmite
1 large jar of Vegemite
1 Toaster
1 packet of butter
2 colours of plates
Preparation
Toast one loaf of bread, butter, and spread with Marmite, put on one colour of plates.
Toast one loaf of bread, butter, and spread with Vegemite, put on other colour of plates.
Ask friends who prefers Marmite to Vegemite, and the other way round.
Listen patiently as they scoff at one or the other vegetable-based spread.
Distribute toast to friends on different coloured plates remembering which contains Marmite toast, which Vegemite.
Ask friends to guess which one is which.
Get totally confused and forget which is which.
End up not knowing what this proves, but satisfied.
Sort of.
Bit like The Ashes, really.

Dessert:


Champagne and Strawberries, with Ceylon Tea (optional)

Ingredients
1 bottle of champagne
The remainder of the strawberries left after making the sauce
1 china teapot (optional)
1 packet of Ceylon tea leaves (optional)
Method
Boil water
Put leaves in teapot
Add boiling water to teapot
Wait
Put strawberries in champagne glasses
Add champagne to glasses
Don’t wait
Drink
Pour tea (optional)
Drink tea (optional)