French Film Land

There is vaguely Eastern music. An elderly Chinese man stares out of his apartment window at a young French woman in a negligée through the window of the apartment opposite. We cut to the next day, where an old man in a smelly, sweaty T shirt hangs his enormous beer belly over the balcony. He is listening to the young French woman moaning in ecstasy as she makes love to her boyfriend in the apartment below. After which she walks to her window and stares out, thoughtfully.

The beer-bellied man stubs out his cigarette when his wife calls him in, and the girl returns to her bedroom for another session of love-making. The elderly Chinese man finishes his vigil at his apartment window. It's just another day in French Film Land. The subtitles flick past too quickly, as I try to pick up the French words for 'fuck' and 'coitus'. 

"Deep down, I wish I didn't exist." That's what she's saying to the elderly Chinese guy, in her apartment, after the ad break. And after pretending to be blind for a while, she fingers a packet of suicide pills. It turns out the Chinese gent was a chef and he leaves her lying on her bed in her negligée, pausing only to read out a letter which has been slipped under the door complaining about the volume of her nocturnal love-making activities.

It's another evening. The old guy and her dance. He says ''I dance like a breadstick.' She drinks chick-friendly herbal tea. She loves it. He watches her sleeping, from a blue chair. Just as I'm thinking he's becoming more like Leonard Cohen, he rearranges her lingerie as she sleeps, and runs off as soon as she wakes up, startled.

There are cafés full of lovers, wearing polo necks and smoking. Giving each other meaningful looks through the haze. We focus in on one couple. He stubs out his cigarette and gets up to leave. She glances up at him, turns away and breaks down in tears. We fade into another ad break. This has obviously been the movie's light relief, the 'shopping for hats' scene.

"You never bring me flowers." She's breaking up with her lover, telling him it's over, at the same time as the Chinese man is washing and ironing her nightie in the apartment opposite. After her lover leaves, she walks out of the bathroom naked, to receive the freshly laundered silk. We still haven't seen her fully clothed and the film's nearly over. The vaguely eastern music starts again as the elderly man dresses her.

It's hot tonight and I can't take any more of this particular movie. There are chopsticks and jazz. Meaningful looks and a fade to black. A quick fade up for a light embrace between the old guy and the young woman.

Outside on the deck, the girls are talking about Apple computers. I have no idea why.

As the young French woman attempts suicide, I change channel.

Man, I love this French Film Land.